A Healthy Adulthood

1.         I accept full responsibility for the shape my life has taken.

2.         I need never fear my own truth, powers, fantasies, wishes, thoughts, sexuality, dreams, or ghosts.

3.         I trust that “darkness and upheaval” always precede an expansion of consciousness” (Jung)

4.         I let people go away or stay and am still okay.

5.         I accept that I may never feel. I am receiving or have received – all the attention I seek.

6.         I acknowledge that reality is not obligated to me; it remains unaffected by my wishes or rights.

7.         I reconcile myself to the limits on others’ giving to me and on my giving to them.

8.         Until I see another’s behavior with compassion, I have not understood it.

9.         I let go of blame, regret, vengeance, and the infantile desire to punish those who hurt or reject me.

10.       When change and growth scare me, I still choose them. I may act with fear, but never because of it.

11.       I am still safe when I cease following the rules my parents (or others) set for me.

12.       I cherish my own integrity and do not use it as a yardstick for anyone else’s behavior.

13.       I am free to have and entertain any thought. I do not have the right to do whatever I want. I respect the limits of freedom and still act freely.

14.       I overcome the urge to retreat on the brink of discovery.

15.       No one can or needs to bail me out. I am not entitled to be taken care of by anyone or anything.

16.      I give without demanding appreciation though I may always ask for it.

17.      I reject whining and complaining as baseless distractions from direct action on or withdrawal from unacceptable situations.

18.       I let go of control without losing control.

19.       Choices and perceptions in me life are flexible, nor rigid or absolute.

20.       If people knew me as I really am, they would love me for being human like them.

21.       I drop poses and let my every word and deed reveal what I am really like.

22.       Changes and transitions are more graceful as I cooperate with them.

23.       Every human power is accessible to me.

24.       I live by personal standards and at the same time – in self forgiveness — I make allowances for my occasional lapses.

25.       I grant myself a margin of error in my work and relationships. I release myself from the pain of having to be right or competent all the time.

26.       I accept that it is normal to feel that I do not always measure up.

27.       I am ultimately adequate to meet any challenge that comes to me.

28.       My self-acceptance is not complacency since it represents an enormous change.

29.       I am happy as I do what I love and love what is.

30.       I live unconditionally and set same conditions on my self-giving.

PART TWO: ADULT LIVING IN RELATIONSHIPS

1.         All factors in relationships pass through phases: intimacy, affection, sexual interest/energy, commitment to children and family, compatibility, self-disclosure.

2.         Only at rare moments is the love in one partner the same as that in the other.

3.         Priorities are continually changing for each partner. The integrity of the union may not always be a priority.

4.         No truly loving relationship takes away – or can take away – even one of your basic human rights.

5.         Intimate relationships survive best with constant permission for ever-changing ratios of closeness and distance.

6.         What, creates distance in your relationship, you may be using unconsciously to get distance.

7.         The best relationship includes space for you to pursue individual choices and to be compassionately attentive to any threat your partner may feel.

8.         No one can control or change someone else, no? – is it necessary.

9.         No one is loyal or truthful all the time.

10.       No expectations are valid and not even agreements are always reliable.

11.       Your partner may not always he consistent, nurturant, or a trustworthy friend (nor you to your partner).

12.       No relationship can create self-esteem, only support it.

13.       There is no one person who will make you happy, keep you fascinated, love you as yourself.

14.       Most people in relationships seldom know what they really want, ask for what they really want, or show what they really feel.

15.       Most people avoid or fear intimacy, consistent honesty, intense feelings, and uninhibited self-disclosure.

16.       Beneath every serious complaint about your partner is something unowned in yourself.

17.       Letting go of blame and the need to be right heals a relationship most efficaciously.

18.       Jealousy and possessiveness, though nor desirable, are normal human feelings.

19.       “Goodbye” is rarely said clearly; most people ease away wordlessly and avoid full confrontation.

20.       No one is to blame when a relationship ends.

21.       The end of one relationship will always require a space before another relationship can begin healthily.

22.       It is normal for memories, regrets, the wish for revenge, and a recurrent sense of loss far, far to outlast the ending of a relationship.

23.       One of your (or your partner’s) parents is a phantom, but active presence at the beginning, middle, or ending of your relationship.

24.       The powerful appeal of someone new may tell you more about your own neediness than about the charms of the other person.

25.       Relationship is a spiritual path since it consists of a continual shedding of illusions.

PART THREE: AFFIRMATIONS

Repeat any of these statements often throughout the day to release the receptive, softer side of yourself.

1.         I accept this reality: This is my Body.

2.         I surrender to every This and Now.

3.         My love lets in what fear shuts out.

4.         I parent myself.

5.         More and more I yield and make peace.

6.         I drop “shoulds”; I make choices.

7.         I always have a choice.

8.         I walk freely on the earth.

9.         I have power: I let go of the need to control.

10.       I have what I need to do and trust the universe to carry me through.

11.       Whatever happens to  me is for me.

12.       Whatever happens to me grow up.

13.       I love others more as they are  without any sense of obligation toward them.

14.       Wonderful changes are happening in me; I allow them.

15.       I am over the fear that I never have enough.

16.       I have enough; I have abundance.

17.       I notice, receive and appreciate the authentic love others show me.

18.       I bring out love in others.

19.       I am loved and appreciated by everyone who is important to me.

20.       I acknowledge as my own potential what I strongly admire in others.

21.       I acknowledge what I despise in others as a denied part of myself.

22.       Every beat of my heart releases love into the world.

23.       I feel abundant love within me and release it.

24.       I grant myself abundance, again and again.

25.       I allow my feelings and they become a Path.

26.       The universe supports my every transition.

27.       I am perfect Here-and-Now and honor myself as I am.

28.       I am gentle toward my inner fears.

29.       I risk unsupported moments.

30.       I allow myself to be happy.

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